The Weight of Unprocessed Emotions – From Trauma to Transformation | Ep. 9

Welcome to Episode 9 of Season 1 of The Noble Marriage Podcast! Join Adele and Travis as they continue their raw and relatable journey, sharing their story with the hope that you'll find parallels in your own experiences. This episode delves into the critical topic of processing emotions in a healthy, God-honoring way, exploring how unprocessed trauma and daily stressors can weigh us down.

The couple begins with a moment of gratitude, a practice they're committed to. Adele expresses deep appreciation for Travis's transparency in their upcoming book, noting how it's allowed her to understand his heart on a new level. Travis admits his natural inclination is not to be transparent, highlighting the enemy's attempts to shame him, but emphasizes that their shared story in their Holy Spirit-inspired book is for healing.

The Burden of Unprocessed Emotions (3:00)

Adelle explains that a core part of their ministry is helping people revisit past traumas where emotions got "stuck." As children, without proper guidance, we often internalize painful experiences, believing "it must be about me," which allows the enemy to write lies on our hearts. Adelle shares that her number one mission as a mother is to teach her daughter to process emotions, knowing it's key to handling life's challenges. Travis affirms that processing emotions is a universal human need, especially with the strong feelings that accompany trauma, whether big or small.

First Day on the Job: A Traumatic Introduction (7:00)

Travis opens up about his very first day as a certified police officer at age 22 or 23, responding to a call where a young teen had died by suicide. He vividly recalls the images, smells, and intense emotions, yet maintained professionalism, pushing away his feelings to investigate and write his report. He describes how police academy did not prepare him emotionally for such an event, simply handing him car keys and sending him out.

He recounts the profound shock of that day, emphasizing the difficulty of comforting the grieving family while simultaneously performing his duties. He admits he didn't know how to discuss such an experience with colleagues and began his career by suppressing emotions, a skill he refined throughout his law enforcement career.

A Cry for Help and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms (12:00)

After getting off work, Travis drove to his parents' house, his "safe place," where he broke down in an intense sob. Adelle reflects on hearing this story years later, expressing her deep desire to have been that safe person for him, understanding the need to disconnect from constant traumatic events. Travis shares his internal struggle returning to work: not knowing how to process, whether to talk to anyone, or if these feelings were "normal" and he just needed to "toughen up."

They emphasize why processing emotions is vital: emotions are meant to last only 90 to 120 seconds; holding onto them gives them significance and prevents freedom. The enemy thrives on isolation, whispering lies like, "You can't talk to anybody about this."

The Corrosive Nature of "Jaded Humor" (15:00)

Travis shares a shocking incident from his second day on the job: finding strawberry jelly packets in his memo box, only to discover colleagues (including his supervisor) snickering, associating the jelly with the brain matter from the previous day's suicide. This "nasty humor" confused him; he wondered if something was "wrong with him" for not finding it funny, especially as these were "seasoned veterans."

This experience taught Travis that humor, sarcasm, and a jaded demeanor were the coping mechanisms in that environment. He quickly became callous and desensitized to suffering, recognizing why his colleagues joked – a reflection of being "exposed to great quantities of [death, pain, abuse, neglect] on a routine and consistent basis over a prolonged period of time."

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Ways to Process Emotions (20:00)

Travis and Adelle discuss common unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse, avoidance, denial, self-harm, emotional binge eating, isolation, overworking, aggression, and excessive distractions like screens, gaming, and social media. Adelle shares her own struggle with binge eating to "run from the pain," leading to shame.

They then outline healthy ways to process emotions:

• Peer support, counseling, therapy, and coaching.

• Community involvement and strong friendships within a church setting.

• Physical activity and healthy eating, especially after trauma, to counteract physical and mental depletion.

• Rest and sleep, crucial for the brain's nightly cleansing process.

• Prayer, journaling, and worship.

• Practicing gratitude, which reopens the heart to healing and helps process emotions.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for severe trauma and PTSD.

• Helping others, drawing on 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, which speaks of God comforting us so we can comfort others. This shifts focus from self-pity to Kingdom work.

The "Poop in the Backpack" Analogy (28:00)

Travis powerfully illustrates the dangers of not processing emotions through an analogy: "Imagine you're carrying a shovel and wearing a backpack that's open at the top. Each time you experience abuse, trauma, pain, suffering, neglect, death, you take your shovel and pick up your imaginary 'poo' (your emotions) and fling it into the opening of the backpack. Soon the backpack is full, overflowing, getting all over you and anyone close to you."

This "stinky" and "heavy" overflow manifests as anger, rage, passive-aggressive behaviors, sarcasm, stonewalling, withdrawing, isolating, or acting out to numb the pain.

Final Thoughts and Honoring First Responders (31:00)

Adelle recounts the healing she gained from Travis sharing his story, and Travis notes it was the first time he told that specific story without crying, showing profound healing. They challenge listeners: "Have you ever struggled to process your emotions? What healthy coping ways did you use?" They invite comments for others seeking healing.

They conclude by giving a special thank you to First Responders, Military, Hospital Workers, and EMS, acknowledging their constant exposure to human depravity and their strength in bringing hope in hopeless situations. They remind these heroes that they "do not go unnoticed."

They encourage viewers to join them next week for Episode 10 as more of their story unfolds from their book.

What emotions or experiences resonated with you most from Travis and Adelle's discussion on processing trauma and healthy coping?