Understanding Addiction in Marriage | Ep. 12

Welcome to The Noble Marriage, where Travis and Adelle bring real, raw, and relatable conversations all about marriage and life. In Episode 12, they dive into another heavy yet crucial topic: the awareness of addiction. Building on their ongoing story from their book, they share Travis's personal battle with pain medication addiction, illustrating how his unaddressed trauma and pain led him down a destructive path.  Their goal is to help you recognize the enemy's schemes, find hope, and step into healing in your own life and relationships. 

Travis and Adelle explain the "why" behind sharing their deeply personal journey. What began as one-on-one coaching quickly grew, leading them to create programs and their book. They realized a pervasive need for hope—hope for struggling marriages, and hope for individuals feeling stuck in their own pain.  Their story, though at times uncomfortable to relive, is a testament to God's glory and a means to bring healing to others. Adelle views their past trials as a "blessing," allowing them to relate to and help countless people. 

The conversation shifts to the nature of addiction itself. Adelle shares a powerful definition from their pastor: "Addiction is when we're trying to fulfill a need in an unhealthy way." This broadens the scope beyond typical substance abuse, encompassing anything used as a coping mechanism for stress, pain, or anxiety – whether it's gambling, gaming, shopping, or pornography.  Travis emphasizes the need for an honest self-assessment, guided by the Holy Spirit, to identify one's "thing." 

Travis recounts the beginning of his pain medication addiction, emphasizing the insidious nature of its progression.  While working in law enforcement, Travis hyperextended his arm, leading to intense pain. He was prescribed a low dose of narcotics, which initially provided much-needed relief. After a challenging surgery for bone fragments in his elbow and concurrent back pain, his need for narcotics escalated. Travis distinctly remembers the first time he took a narcotic, experiencing an immediate feeling of "loopy" disconnect from pain and life's problems. This powerful relief signaled to his brain that this was an effective escape. They explain the brain chemistry behind addiction, noting that narcotics affect dopamine receptors, requiring increasingly higher doses to achieve the same effect and creating a dependence for feelings of happiness and joy. Travis admits that at the time, he held a negative, victim mindset, believing doctors and medication were the sole solutions to his pain. He failed to take personal responsibility for his own healing through exercise, nutrition, spiritual practices, and healthy coping mechanisms that he now embraces. 

Travis continues his narrative, revealing the deepening grip of addiction. He soon found himself needing multiple additional prescription medications to counteract the negative side effects of the narcotics (e.g., sleeping pills, laxatives, anti-inflammatory drugs). Travis recognized he had become a "victim to everyone else," blaming others for his problems and refusing to take personal responsibility. This stemmed from deep-seated feelings of being "broken, unworthy, not good enough, and a judged failure," which he projected onto others. Adelle highlights that this avoidance of responsibility keeps individuals from healing. By 2012, Travis felt like a "train wreck." He couldn't tolerate being alone with his "miserable thoughts," leading to constant need for distraction. He consumed hundreds of self-help audiobooks, always with headphones in, ignoring Adelle and never truly implementing what he learned. Adelle describes her hurt and jealousy over Travis's constant use of earbuds, which symbolized his self-consumption and avoidance. This behavior made her feel insignificant, dishonored, and unvalued in their marriage. Travis reflects on the insidious "fish hooks" of addiction, starting slowly but rapidly escalating, leading him to 14 different prescription medications. Adelle describes witnessing his physical deterioration, noting he looked like a "70-year-old man" at 37 or 38. Adelle candidly admits her own codependent behavior, often buying alcohol for Travis to ensure he remained "even-keeled" and tolerable, unknowingly enabling his addiction due to her lack of understanding and fear of his "prickly" demeanor without it. Both acknowledge a severe deficit of emotional safety in their marriage. Travis admits he intentionally hid the extent of his addiction due to shame, fear of judgment (especially as a police officer), and the terrifying thought of life without the medications. Adelle recognizes her judgment and lack of empathy prevented him from confiding in her.

Travis and Adelle offer powerful words of encouragement and guidance for those struggling with addiction or supporting a loved one. Travis offers a heartfelt apology to anyone experiencing addiction, acknowledging its overwhelming nature, but assures them that hope is available despite how "tough" it may seem.  They unequivocally state that addiction is "evil" and "not of God."  It leads to destructive, hurtful behaviors that damage trust and relationships. Jesus Christ is the only one who can fill and satiate every void. A personal relationship with Jesus is the path to light, pulling individuals out of deeper darkness. Travis quotes John 10:10 ("The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full") and Matthew 11:28 ("Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"). They strongly recommend seeking qualified therapy and counseling for addiction. The American Association of Christian Counselors website is a recommended resource. They encourage sharing this video with others struggling, emphasizing that knowing "other people have been through this" and finding hope can make "all the difference." Travis shares a profound realization: he felt broken trying to "fix" himself because, in God's eyes, he wasn't broken in the first place (Genesis 1:26-28). The true path to healing is identifying and letting go of the enemy's lies (e.g., "I'm not good enough," "I'm a failure," "I'm unworthy") and replacing them with God's truth.  This "root" work is essential for lasting freedom. 

Call to Action: If you're ready to identify the roots of addiction or past trauma in your life and experience true healing, we encourage you to explore our revamped "Becoming Whole and Complete" program on our website: https://programs.thenoblemarriage.com/offers/Sp2C2WjG/checkout

Next Week: Join us as Travis and Adelle continue their journey, revealing what happened when "the backpack of emotions exploded."