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Healing from Betrayal: A Live Q&A on Your Questions | BONUS

Season #2

 

In this live session, Travis and Adelle directly address the most common and heartfelt questions submitted by their audience. They dive into the painful realities of betrayal, the spiritual battle behind the scenes, and the often-misunderstood path to healing. This episode is for anyone who feels thirsty for healing and seeks community and understanding.

 

Why Change Comes After Being Caught 

Travis and Adelle tackle the difficult question many betrayed spouses ask: "Why does change often come after being caught but not before?"

  • The Difference Between Being Sorry and Being Repentant: They clarify that getting caught often raises doubts about the sincerity of the betrayer's change. While it's natural for the betrayed spouse to question if their partner is only sorry they got caught, a truly repentant heart is what God seeks (Psalm 51:17).

  • The Betrayer's Struggle: Travis shares that often, betrayers genuinely want to change but lack the tools or understanding of what a repentant heart looks like. Shame and condemnation can lead to defensiveness, which is often mistaken for a lack of remorse.

 

The Spiritual Battle of Healing

The episode explores how bringing darkness to light is the first step toward freedom for both spouses.

  • Sin's Blinding Nature: Adelle explains that secrets kept in the dark create a spiritual blindness, preventing the betrayer from seeing the destruction of their actions. Once the truth is out, the betrayer can finally see what they truly want: freedom from sin and a thriving marriage.

  • Healing is Not Immediate: The hosts emphasize that while the betrayer may feel a sense of freedom after disclosure, the betrayed spouse is just beginning their journey of pain and processing. This imbalance can be confusing and frustrating.

  • The "Miserable Soul" of Sin: Travis reads from Romans 7 to illustrate that sin is not enjoyable for the spirit, even if the flesh likes it. The life of a betrayer is often one of misery, shame, and condemnation.

  • Understanding the Battle: They differentiate the spiritual battles each spouse faces. For the betrayer, it's often a war of shame and condemnation ("you're a loser, a failure"). For the betrayed, the battle is different but equally intense. The core message is that God wants to restore both hearts, and it takes immense strength and courage to pursue that healing.

 

Addressing Your Real-Life Struggles

Travis and Adelle respond directly to heartfelt comments from their community, providing encouragement and insights.

  • Ignoring Red Flags: They discuss the danger of "lying to yourself that everything is fine" and ignoring red flags. Adelle shares her own past struggle with this and encourages listeners to seek godly counsel to address these issues proactively.

  • Linger Grief: They affirm that sadness and grief are natural and there's no time limit on them. However, they challenge listeners to choose to move beyond a "victim mentality" and actively pursue healing, which will eventually diminish the power of grief and sadness.

  • Pain of Abandonment: They offer prayer and empathy for a listener who was ghosted after getting engaged and taking on the full-time care of her elderly parents, acknowledging the double pain of betrayal and abandonment.

  • Reconciling Amid Hopelessness: They speak to couples who feel like giving up on reconciling their marriage, reminding them that God doesn't remove the pain but walks through it with us, and that changing our prayers from "take this away" to "what do you want me to learn?" can change everything.

  • The Trap of Self-Justification: They highlight a powerful comment about how sin is rooted in our sinful nature and Satan's lies, and the importance of identifying and taking those lies captive (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

  • Prayer for a Hurting Spouse: They pray for the wife of a man who shared his story of finding peace after betrayal but whose wife is still hurting, acknowledging the ongoing pain caused by toxic decisions.

  • Overcoming Emotional Blockages: They read a profoundly transparent comment from a listener who, after starting individual therapy and sobriety, realized the deep grip of the enemy in the area of trust. The listener shares how they kept others at a distance due to "safeguards and agreements" but are now beginning to uncover these blockages. This serves as a powerful testament to the healing journey.

Community and Support: The Noble Marriage is a community where you can find support for your healing journey. If you're struggling, Travis and Adelle encourage you to check out their intensives, coaching, and resources. They also give a shout-out to Kate's women's ministry, Journey Beyond Betrayal, which is a great resource for betrayed spouses.