Rebuilding trust, Triggers and Grief: Your Questions Answered | BONUS

In this live Q&A, Travis and Adelle welcome viewers and dive into their experiences with betrayal. They open the session by inviting viewers to share their stories and participate in a poll asking what the hardest part of betrayal is for them. The poll results showed that rebuilding trust was the most common struggle, followed by triggers and grief.

Travis and Adelle acknowledge the spiritual warfare they’ve experienced while creating the series, underscoring the importance of their work and their dedication to providing hope and healing. They encourage viewers to engage with their channel and resources, highlighting how viewer participation helps their content reach more people in need.

Key Discussion Points from the Live Chat

1. Rebuilding Trust

Travis and Adelle emphasize that rebuilding trust is the most difficult but essential part of healing. They highlight that the betrayer's words and actions must consistently align with their commitment to the marriage. A simple example of this integrity is a betrayer willingly providing full transparency by sharing passwords and being open about their activities. This consistency, they explain, is like building a "toothpick bridge" that can be broken easily, so it requires constant effort. They also stress that the betrayed spouse can help by trying to create a safe space for the betrayer to be transparent, even when it's difficult. 

2. The Role of Shame vs. Guilt

A viewer asks for help for the "offending spouse" who carries the shame of their actions. Adelle clarifies the crucial distinction between shame and guilt:

• Guilt is a positive, God-given feeling that prompts a person to correct their wrongdoing and can be a powerful motivator for change.

• Shame is a lie from the enemy that makes a person believe they are inherently bad.

She explains that shame is the "scarlet letter" a person wears and that escaping it requires a repentant heart that receives Jesus’s forgiveness rather than trying to earn self-forgiveness. They recommend watching their episode "Escaping Shame" for more on this topic.

3. Navigating Narcissistic Traits

Responding to a question about staying with a spouse who may have narcissistic personality disorder, Travis and Adelle advise against diagnosing a spouse. They explain that using a label can become a person's identity and limit the possibility of healing. They believe that many "narcissistic" behaviors are often reactions to deep-seated lies and wounds. The key, they say, is a truly repentant heart. If a person is genuinely committed to change and seeking God, those traits will fall away as they heal.

4. Handling Triggers

While discussing triggers, Travis and Adelle acknowledge that they can be discouraging, especially when they persist for years. They point out that healing isn't the absence of triggers but rather a change in how a person responds to them. This topic will be a key focus in the rest of the series and the new "Walking Through Betrayal" program.

The Noble Marriage's Resources

"Walking Through Betrayal" program. This program provides a step-by-step path to healing and is the most requested resource on their channel. They also remind viewers that an older version of the program is available for free on Right Now Media, and they offer a link to the updated version in the chat. Link: https://programs.thenoblemarriage.com/offers/oHCqLSJr/checkout

Betrayal Breakthrough Group Coaching: We meet once a month on Wednesdays at 7pm EST. https://programs.thenoblemarriage.com/offers/oHCqLSJr/checkout