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Boundaries & Safeguards: Real-Life Examples that Rebuild Trust (Plus a FREE Worksheet!) | Ep. 15

Season #2

 

Boundaries and safeguards are not about control—they are essential tools for driving out the "little foxes" that ruin the "vineyard of love" (Song of Solomon 2:15). In this episode, Travis and Adelle share real-life examples of what worked (and didn't work) in their own journey to rebuild trust after betrayal. They define the difference between boundaries and safeguards and reveal how to avoid common pitfalls like creating boundaries out of pain or treating them as demands to earn trust. The episode emphasizes the need for mutual buy-in, radical transparency, and the importance of zero contact to create a God-honoring covenant where intimacy and trust can flourish. Stick around until the end to get access to a FREE Boundaries and Safeguards Worksheet to use with your spouse!

 

Key Discussion Points & Time Stamps 

Defining Boundaries & Safeguards

  • Boundary: A clear line protecting your marriage's intimacy and trust; an agreement on what keeps your marriage safe and exclusive.

  • Safeguard: Actions and preventative habits taken to ensure boundaries are honored and keep "the enemy" out.

  • The Goal: To keep the "good in" (covenant, God-honoring things) and the "bad out" (the enemy, counterfeits).

  • The Fruit: Good boundaries foster intimacy, connection, unity, and trust.

Common Pitfalls (What Doesn't Work)

  • Creating from Pain: Setting boundaries out of pain or trying to make them demands to "earn trust" (Trust building and boundary setting are different).

  • One-Sided Rules: When one spouse (especially the betrayed) creates rules that the other spouse has no buy-in for, it creates a parent-child dynamic and fosters resentment.

  • Blame-Shifting/Minimizing: Failing to take personal responsibility or minimizing the hurt deepens wounds and erodes trust.

  • Rules Without Heart Change: This leads to resentment and potential relapse; true transformation starts with a humble heart.

  • Assuming Trust Returns Automatically: Trust is earned slowly through consistent, faithful actions.

What Works: Real-Life Examples

  • Complete Transparency & Accountability: Full access to phone, email, social media, and location; no secrets or private chats. The betrayer needs God-honoring male/female accountability partners outside the marriage.

  • Zero Contact with Affair Partner: Zero contact is non-negotiable. If the affair occurred at work, the unfaithful spouse must consider changing jobs to remove the temptation and rebuild trust (a clean start builds trust).

  • Defining Opposite Sex Relationships: Setting clear boundaries like no one-on-one time, no riding in a car, and no being alone in a room with a person of the opposite sex. Perception matters.

  • Guard Your Heart: Guarding the heart minimizes temptation (Proverbs 4:23). Sharing emotional intimacy with friends of the opposite sex robs the spouse and is a small door the enemy uses.

  • Dedicated Time for Connection: Setting aside intentional time for deep, meaningful date nights, and spiritual connection (like praying together or a devotion).

  • The 24-Hour Window: A safeguard to resolve conflicts or address a "pricked" heart within 24 hours to prevent stonewalling, withdrawing, or defending, which erodes trust.

  • Ownership: The unfaithful spouse must take full responsibility first. Then, the betrayed spouse should take ownership for any contribution to the marital dysfunction.

Free Giveaway & Invitation 

Need support walking through betrayal? Learn more about how this program can help! https://programs.thenoblemarriage.com/offers/oHCqLSJr/checkout

Join our support group: https://programs.thenoblemarriage.com/offers/uRBt4CHP/checkout